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"The Curator of Lies"

Neutral Evil
Shadow Scribe
Card Text:
“He didn’t need to invent the lie—just file it, hide it, and not tell the truth”
Brian Auten isn’t a field agent, a leader, or a rogue. He’s worse. He’s an intelligence analyst with editorial instincts—the kind who wears a badge, brandishes a redaction marker like a dagger, and still lists “objectivity” under his job skills.
A master of bureaucratic invisibility, Auten thrives where truth goes to die: in review memos, “preliminary validations,” and ICAs with footnotes longer than the substance. He doesn't create the lie—he curates it, funds it, formats it, and labels it “verified with caveats.” He once flew to England to offer a disgraced spy money if he could just believe his own fiction harder.
Special Abilities:
Special Abilities:
● Tradecraft Transmutation – Converts gossip into government-grade intelligence by placing it in an official memo and labeling it “raw but credible.”
● Redaction Aura – Within 10 feet of any FOIA request, causes key exculpatory content to spontaneously vanish under thick black lines.
● Narrative Anchoring – Can lock institutional assumptions into place, even after all facts have changed. (Duration: 6 years minimum.)
● Dossier Patronage – May expend a Travel Action to visit foreign nationals and offer taxpayer gold for spicy allegations. Bonus if unverified.
● ICA Tailoring – Once per quarter, may remove uncertainty from any national assessment and replace it with “high confidence” if it supports political objectives.
● Fog Field (Passive) – Allies within 30 feet gain +5 to “plausible deniability” and “weasel-worded press conference.”
Weaknesses:
✦ Truth, sunlight, direct questions, and paper trails.
✦ Vulnerable to footnote resurrection: when buried facts re-emerge in later IG or Special Counsel reports.
✦ Suffers psychic damage from honest analysts and whistleblowers.
✦ Cannot distinguish between “sourcing” and “sorcery.”
Inventory:
-1 Black Cloak of Classification
-Rolodex of “Confidential Human Sources” (recycled from political ops)
-Encrypted satchel of deferrals, redactions, and non-answers
-Half-completed apology letter to Carter Page (never mailed)
-Bag of cash
Reputation Perk:
Institutionally Indispensable – Cannot be fired, indicted, or named in mainstream media without being described as “career intelligence professional.”
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Legal Disclaimer:
This character profile is a work of satire and political commentary protected under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. While it references real individuals and events reported in government documents, public records, and major news outlets, the portrayal herein is intentionally exaggerated, fictionalized, and symbolic. It is not intended to assert factual claims about the personal character, motives, or criminal liability of any individual.
No part of this work should be interpreted as a literal accusation of unlawful conduct unless such conduct has been formally adjudicated in a court of law. The inclusion of humor, fantasy elements, and parody is for expressive and editorial purposes and does not imply malice, defamation, or libel.
Readers are encouraged to consult original sources, including the Durham Report, Intelligence Community Assessment reviews, and related declassified materials, for factual background. See less
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"The Wailing Seer"

Class: Sorceress of Class Warfare

Chaotic Evil
Backstory:
Elizabeth Warren rose to prominence as a prophet of equity, cloaking herself in tales of poverty and struggle. Yet behind the spectral voice of economic justice lies a shrieking sorceress whose spells feed the state and punish independence. She began by warning of systems rigged against the commoner, then became a high priestess of regulation—rigging those very systems in favor of her bureaucratic coven. Her rage is real, but so is its convenience.
Special Abilities:
• Wail of the Righteous Poor
Summons a deafening cry that disables debate and grants her a temporary aura of moral invincibility.
• Ensnaring Red Tape
Conjures complex rules that bind the strong while empowering unseen regulators. Victims lose agency and clarity.
• Illusion of Origin
Disguises elitist incantations as homespun wisdom. Allows high-level policy spells to pass as “common sense.”
• Curse of Redistribution
Redirects resources from free citizens to the state priesthood. Drains liberty, cloaks the act in empathy.
Weaknesses:
• Reality Feedback Loop
Takes cumulative damage when confronted with economic outcomes of her own spells.
• Identity Echo
Her past misrepresentations occasionally reanimate, causing confusion in ally units and lowering credibility.
• Dragon of Ambition
Despite declaring opposition to wealth and privilege, her internal dragon hoards political clout and media favor, weakening her spell accuracy when facing true reformers.
Moral Description:
Chaotic Evil. Warren is driven not by liberty or law but by fury—targeted, personal, and useful. She invokes justice but delivers punishment. She summons the poor, then replaces them with scribes, clerks, and speechwriters. Her power is real, her cause performative. She is not the guardian of the working class, but their leashholder in service of an expanding dominion.Elizabeth
Disclaimer:
This character profile is a work of political satire and artistic expression, created in the style of fantasy role-playing archetypes for commentary purposes. The depiction of Elizabeth Warren as “The Wailing Seer” is fictional and symbolic, reflecting a critical perspective on her political ideology and actions. It is not intended to represent her personal character, nor does it assert factual claims about her motives or background. All references are exaggerated for thematic effect and should be understood as commentary, not literal biography. See less
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"The Masked Oracle"

Alignment: Neutral Evil (High Priest of Science™, Keeper of Shifting Truths)

Card Text:
“Proclaims evolving doctrine from behind the mask. All contradictions are retroactively correct.”
Backstory:
Once revered as America’s top infectious disease expert, Fauci transcended science to become its personification—and its arbiter. Behind a wall of TV cameras and selective data, he pronounced truth one week and reversed it the next. Critics who noticed were heretics.
He amassed near-mystical authority, advising multiple administrations while dodging responsibility for lab leaks, lockdown harm, school closures, and suppressed dissent. To question him was not scientific inquiry—it was sedition.
Special Ability:
Fog of FollowtheScience™ – Once per encounter, may cause public and media confusion for 1d6 rounds. All conflicting statements become retroactively justified.
Bonus Trait:
Immunity Amnesia – Automatically nullifies prior contradictions unless confronted with direct footage, in which case the caster may roll a Persuasion check to declare, “That’s out of context.”
Battle Cry:
“I represent science!”
Alignment Notes:
Fauci is Neutral Evil not out of malice—but because he subordinated moral clarity to institutional survival and personal authority. His power came from obscuring debate, centralizing command, and cloaking every move in the sacred robe of “public health”—even as trust and liberty burned behind him.
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"The Mirror Witch"

Title: High Enchantress of Optics
Power: Weaponizes illusions and echoes to conjure online mobs and manipulate perception.
Signature Spell: Hashtag Hex – Summons trending storms that blind reason and amplify emotional outrage.
Weakness: Cannot maintain control outside of controlled media chambers. Logic resistance is low.
Ilhan Omar – “The Whisperer of Shadows”
Title: Cloaked Herald of the Crescent Veil
Power: Channels chaotic energy from foreign entanglements and grievance spirits.
Signature Spell: Sanction Reversal – Redirects blame and historical burdens with precision targeting.
Weakness: Vulnerable to exposure of alliances and contradictions in moral posturing.
Ayanna Pressley – “The Tongue of Judgment”
Title: Arbiter of Skin and Voice
Power: Casts racialized speechcraft that divides unity and controls discourse boundaries.
Signature Spell: Monochrome Mandate – Declares moral legitimacy by identity alone.
Weakness: Collapses when confronted with individual dissent from within designated groups.
Rashida Tlaib – “The Banner-Bearer of Wrath”
Title: Flame Speaker of the Outer March
Power: Summons ancestral rage to ignite institutional flames, tears through rules with holy fury.
Signature Spell: Tears of Martyrdom – Feigns vulnerability while hurling institutional fireballs.
Weakness: Undisciplined targeting. Occasionally sets allies on fire mid-incantation.
Cori Bush – “The Seer of Sorrows”
Title: Oracle of Endless Oppression
Power: Reanimates ancient grievances and animates guilt-driven automatons.
Signature Spell: Reparative Resurrection – Conjures claims for cosmic repayment without end.
Weakness: Loses control when pressed for practical outcomes or historical coherence.
Group Trait: Curse of the Collective
While individually erratic, together they amplify chaos exponentially. Every synchronized chant casts a group-wide aura of immunity to facts and shields them from institutional consequence—for a time.
Moral Description:
Chaotic Evil. They seek transformation through destruction, cloaking their aims in empathy while channeling power through division. Their covenant is not with liberty or law, but with upheaval, image, and permanent grievance.
(C) Copyright 2025, Jeff A Pierson
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"The Fence‑Sitting Fixer"

Alignment: Lawful Neutral (Establishment Powerbroker)

Biography & Role:
In office since 1998; became Speaker on December 1, 2022, after 24 years as a legislator and House Majority Leader
Background: born in Rexburg, hunting guide, BYU alumnus, rancher, volunteer firefighter, and fire commissioner
Political Style:
Known for orchestrating committee assignments, often blocking harder‑edged conservative bills and preserving the status quo
Advocates for tax reform, state sovereignty, and education—but primarily through maintaining legislative control rather than bold reforms
Recent Moves:
Led Moyle v. United States in 2023–24, a high‑profile Supreme Court petition challenging federal abortion law enforcement—demonstrating institutional ambition and ideological messaging
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"The Cloaked Cleric of Compliance"

Alignment: Lawful Evil (Institutional Preservationist)

Card Text:
“Claims to serve blind justice—but only when it’s looking the other way.”
Backstory:
Once denied a seat on the Supreme Court, Garland now leads the Department of Justice with the subtlety of a scalpel and the selectivity of a partisan scribe. He speaks softly, wears the robes of neutrality, and signs off on some of the most consequential double standards in modern legal memory. His creed: Stability over transparency. Procedure over truth. Control over consequence.
Special Ability:
Fog of Process – Once per session, Garland may shroud any politically sensitive investigation in layers of review, recusal, redaction, and referral. Enemies roll disadvantage on all attempts to hold institutions accountable for 1d6 turns.
Bonus Trait:
Selective Silence – Immune to direct questioning from Congress unless under magical subpoena.
Battle Cry:
“We do not comment on ongoing investigations.”
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"The Pandemic Prefect"

Subject:
Lawful Evil (Technocratic Steward Disguised as a Cowboy)
Description / Comment / Caption:
Issued sweeping COVID lockdowns while branding himself a constitutional conservative. Let bureaucrats shut down businesses, churches, and public life, all while claiming Idaho was “never under mandate.” Deferred to unelected boards, hid behind emergency declarations, and slow-walked the return of civil liberty. More manager than leader, more spreadsheet than sheriff.
Special Ability:
Mandate Mirage – Issues executive orders without taking ownership. Opponents roll disadvantage to detect hypocrisy.
Bonus Trait:
Responsibility Transfer – Once per session, may shift blame to local officials, federal guidance, or data models.
Battle Cry:
“We never forced anyone... we just required it.”
Tags / Keywords:
Brad Little, Idaho, political satire, D&D alignment, character card, Lawful Evil, COVID mandates, bureaucracy, executive power, conservative optics
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"The Saint of Shifting Science"

Alignment: Lawful Evil (High Cleric of Pandemic Orthodoxy)

Card Text:
“I represent science. Just don’t quote me.”
Backstory:
Fauci’s doctrine evolved hourly—but always demanded obedience. From “no masks” to “triple masks,” from “15 days” to 3 years, he curated truth in real time. He didn’t make mistakes—he adapted.
Special Ability:
Flip-Flop Field – Once per round, can reverse past statements and still gain trust from regime-aligned allies.
Visual Cue:
Wearing five masks and juggling flip-flop sandals.
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"The Fence‑Sitting Fixer"

Alignment: Lawful Neutral (Establishment Powerbroker)

Biography & Role:
In office since 1998; became Speaker on December 1, 2022, after 24 years as a legislator and House Majority Leader
Background: born in Rexburg, hunting guide, BYU alumnus, rancher, volunteer firefighter, and fire commissioner
Political Style:
Known for orchestrating committee assignments, often blocking harder‑edged conservative bills and preserving the status quo
Advocates for tax reform, state sovereignty, and education—but primarily through maintaining legislative control rather than bold reforms
Recent Moves:
Led Moyle v. United States in 2023–24, a high‑profile Supreme Court petition challenging federal abortion law enforcement—demonstrating institutional ambition and ideological messaging
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"The Pandemic Prefect"

Subject:
Lawful Evil (Technocratic Steward Disguised as a Cowboy)
Description / Comment / Caption:
Issued sweeping COVID lockdowns while branding himself a constitutional conservative. Let bureaucrats shut down businesses, churches, and public life, all while claiming Idaho was “never under mandate.” Deferred to unelected boards, hid behind emergency declarations, and slow-walked the return of civil liberty. More manager than leader, more spreadsheet than sheriff.
Special Ability:
Mandate Mirage – Issues executive orders without taking ownership. Opponents roll disadvantage to detect hypocrisy.
Bonus Trait:
Responsibility Transfer – Once per session, may shift blame to local officials, federal guidance, or data models.
Battle Cry:
“We never forced anyone... we just required it.”
Tags / Keywords:
Brad Little, Idaho, political satire, D&D alignment, character card, Lawful Evil, COVID mandates, bureaucracy, executive power, conservative optics
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"The Arcane Gatekeeper"

Alignment: Neutral Evil (FISA Mage of Secrecy and Shielded Authority)

Card Text:
“Wields the ancient book of warrants—but turns its pages only for the chosen few.”
Backstory:
As presiding judge of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, Boasberg guards the most secret realm of judicial power. Cloaked in confidentiality and wrapped in institutional immunity, he signs off on arcane spells of surveillance—often on flawed or phantom evidence.
He sat at the center of the storm during the Crossfire Hurricane fallout, the Steele dossier controversies, and multiple contested FISA renewals. When misconduct is revealed, he punishes lightly, seals the record, or sighs into the ether.
Special Ability:
Redacted Invocation – Once per encounter, may conceal any fact, ruling, or procedural misstep under a veil of national security. Enemies must roll a Wisdom save or suffer “Lack of Standing.”
Bonus Trait:
Institutional Cloak – Immune to political consequence while acting “within judicial norms.” Adds +3 resistance to all Transparency Attacks.
Battle Cry:
“This court operates in secrecy—for your safety, of course.”
Alignment Notes:
Boasberg is Neutral Evil not because he seeks destruction, but because he enables it through silence, procedure, and plausible judicial detachment. He preserves the institution—even when it breaks the law—because in his world, trust in the system outweighs accountability to the people.
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"The Jester of Blame"

Class: Court Fool of the Hollow Throne

Alignment: Neutral Evil

Title: The Whining Oracle
Domain: Deflection, Mockery, Institutional Cowardice
Character Profile:
Once a clever bard with a satirical edge, Colbert has become the jester no tyrant fears—a court performer who mocks only the enemies his masters mark. Cloaked in irony and armed with a laugh track louder than truth, he dances nightly on a stage lit by denial and powered by blame.
His favorite incantation is Trumpus Culpa, a cantrip so overused it now casts automatically when ratings drop or jokes fail. In his sanctum—the Studio of Applause—he conjures self-pity and political sermons disguised as comedy. Each monologue begins with grievance, ends with projection, and fills the air with the scent of stale scripts.
When challenged, he does not duel. He sighs. He sneers. He reminds the peasants that it’s all Trump’s fault—even the crumbling tower of his own relevance. A master of deflection, he gains power not by truth, but by laughing over the corpses of failed narratives.
Special Ability:
Deflection Aura – Can redirect all criticism toward a past administration. Allies gain +2 to smugness checks when near him.
Bonus Trait:
Teleprompter Devotion – Incapable of original thought when disconnected from magical screens. Suffers disadvantage on improvisation rolls but gains +4 charisma when reading state-approved script.
Battle Cry:
“Trump ruined comedy!”
Alignment Notes:
Colbert is Neutral Evil—not out of malice, but cowardice. He serves institutional power while pretending to challenge it. Once a rogue with wit, now a bureaucrat with a grin. His laughter comforts the elite and sedates the audience. He no longer mocks the throne—he polishes it nightly. See less
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Doreen Ewing Alexander, Christy Zito and 3 others
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"The Oracle of Collusion"

Class: Seer of the Signal Tower

Alignment: Lawful Evil

Title: Oracle of Collusion
Domain: Media Manipulation, Statecraft Sorcery
Character Profile:
Perched atop the obsidian spire of Broadcast Keep, the Oracle of Collusion casts her nightly spells through glowing runes and crystal sigils beamed across the realm. Draped in ceremonial robes of smug certainty, Rachael speaks not to inform—but to bind. Her visions are precise, her predictions grand, and though rarely fulfilled, they hold the power to mesmerize entire cities into marching to the rhythm of suspicion.
Her sacred relic, The Steele Codex, is a tattered scroll of dubious origin, cited as prophecy and recited as scripture. She divines treason in the tea leaves of every correspondence, weaving narratives from shadows and smoke, then sanctifying them with bureaucratic gravitas.
Though she cloaks herself in righteous regulation and civil cadence, her loyalties lie with the high priests of the Permanent Court—the keepers of institutional power. Her targets are selected not by justice, but by political constellation. Always lawful. Never neutral.
Her words are weapons. Her calm, a conjuration. Her goal: to preserve the Dominion—not through truth, but through the architecture of narrative.
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Zuiderveld Thom, Lyle Johnstone and 1 other
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"The Gold-Hoarding Dragon-Priestess"

Alignment: Lawful Evil (High Cleric of Fiat Sorcery)

Card Text:
“Speaks softly, prints endlessly, and guards the treasury like a sacred temple to debt.”
Backstory:
Once the high oracle of the Fed, now the veiled priestess of the U.S. Treasury, Yellen guards the altar of modern monetary theory with a steady hand and a blank check. She chants incantations like “price stability” and “full employment,” but behind the ceremonial robes is a fiscal necromancer keeping the undead economy walking. Her true devotion is to the balance sheet—so long as it balances on her terms.
Special Ability:
Summon Infinite Coin – Once per encounter, can mint an imaginary trillion-dollar platinum piece to bypass congressional authority and silence budget hawks for 1d8 turns.
Bonus Trait:
Deficit Trance – Immune to economic criticism while speaking in calm monotone. All damage from inflation-based attacks is halved if delivered via PowerPoint.
Battle Cry:
“The U.S. will never default… unless you ask too many questions.”
Alignment Notes:
Yellen’s Lawful Evil is cloaked in credentials. She isn’t corrupt in the petty sense—she’s an architect of systemic control through monetary abstraction. Her power lies in making the unsustainable seem inevitable, and making trillion-dollar failures sound like responsible stewardship.
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Lyle Johnstone and Bonnie Frazier Shewmaker
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"The Confused Scribe"

Alignment: Neutral Evil (Cloaked Institutionalist with Progressive Armor)

Card Text:
“Rules from the bench, reasons from the void. Defines justice by consensus—until consensus changes.”
Backstory:
Hailed as a triumph of representation, Jackson ascended not for jurisprudential clarity, but for ideological conformity wrapped in credentials. She speaks in cautious academic riddles, dodges foundational definitions ("What is a woman?"), and rules with a postmodern pen that rewrites more than it interprets. Her allegiance is not to law as written, but to justice as reimagined—vague, evolving, and unequally applied.
Special Ability:
Semantic Fog – Once per encounter, may render any question unanswerable through abstraction. Enemies must pass an Intelligence save to remain sane after hearing her justification.
Bonus Trait:
Shield of Representation – Immune to criticism for poor reasoning if any identity-based defense is invoked. Lasts 1d6 turns or until someone quotes the Constitution.
Battle Cry:
“I’m not a biologist.”
Alignment Notes:
Jackson is Neutral Evil not because she seeks chaos, but because she wields institutional power in service of ideology divorced from fixed truth. She obeys neither law nor liberty, but an evolving set of feelings and frameworks, often at odds with natural law and original intent.
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"The Silent Sentinel"

Alignment: Lawful Good (Constitutional Paladin)

Card Text:
“Speaks rarely. Writes boldly. Fights with parchment and principle.”
Backstory:
Forged in hardship and seasoned by betrayal, Thomas stands as the most resilient originalist on the battlefield of judicial politics. Though mocked by elites and ignored by the media, he endures with quiet ferocity. He wields the Constitution like a longsword, striking down fabricated rights and bureaucratic overreach. His silence on the bench masks a roar in his written opinions—textual, fiery, and unflinching.
Special Ability:
Immutable Conviction – Immune to media manipulation, mob pressure, and legacy distortion. Gains advantage when invoking Natural Law or citing the Founders.
Bonus Trait:
Originalist Smite – Once per long rest, can issue a concurring opinion so devastating it becomes required reading at Federalist Society banquets.
Battle Cry (rarely heard):
“The Constitution means what it says.”
Alignment Notes:
Thomas is Lawful Good not because he serves power, but because he serves principle—anchored in fixed moral truths. He resists the tides of politics, precedent drift, and cultural fashion. Even his critics acknowledge that he believes what he writes, and he writes like liberty depends on it.
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"The Puzzled Prophet"

Alignment: Chaotic Good (Populist Instigator, Liberty-Aligned)

Card Text:
“Asks the questions the regime doesn’t like—and then stares at you until it blinks.”
Backstory:
A prep-school rogue turned enemy of the state, Tucker roams the wilderness outside the cathedral walls. Once a bow-tied Beltway bard, he evolved into a chaotic crusader against globalist spells, media enchantments, and neocon necromancy. Beloved by some and feared by many, his words trigger alarms in both newsrooms and boardrooms.
Special Ability:
Eyebrow of Doubt – Casts a passive aura of suspicion. Enemies within 30 feet must make a Wisdom save or begin questioning their own narratives.
Bonus Trait:
Broadcast of Uncomfortable Truths – Once per long rest, can bypass official media filters to deliver a raw monologue that inspires liberty-aligned allies and causes lawful enemies to panic-roll Constitution saves.
Battle Cry:
“Why is no one else saying this?”
Alignment Clarifier:
Though sometimes careless in tone and scorched-earth in method, his allegiance is to sovereignty, decentralization, and moral intuition—not systems. His flaws are ego and unpredictability. But he is not neutral, not evil, and not institutional.
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"The Beanie Rogue"

Class: Rogue of the Free Commons

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Title: The Beanie Dissenter
Domain: Autonomy, Unscripted Justice, Street Wisdom
Character Profile:
He walks the cobbled lanes of the realm without master or map, guided only by instinct, inquiry, and the quiet cluck of truth at his side. Known as the Beanie Rogue, Tim rose not from a noble house, but from the market square, where he listened more than he preached—and learned more than they meant to teach.
His garb is simple: a threadbare cloak, a sword for show (mostly), and a black knit crown worn not out of pride but principle. In a village full of messengers serving lords, he is the rare courier who serves no one but the people. His tools are observation, skepticism, and a strange chicken companion—rumored to have seen more regime changes than most men.
Tim does not storm castles. He simply walks beside them, questioning their bricks until the towers tremble. His allegiances shift only with the truth, and his greatest crime is refusing to shut up.
He is mocked by kings, hunted by scribes, and followed by thousands. Yet he remains, beanie unshaken, feathered ally in tow, unraveling empires one contradiction at a time.
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"The Grand Vizier of the Senate"

Alignment: Lawful Evil (Master Institutionalist)

Card Text:
“Whispers in the halls, smiles on the steps, stabs in the rules committee.”
Backstory:
A creature of corridors and closed-door caucuses, Schumer weaves power through procedure. For decades, he has mastered the mechanics of legislation not to liberate, but to entrench. He doesn’t rant or revolt—he rearranges. He doesn’t shout—it’s always a press conference with a coordinated leak. To Schumer, the game is the system, and the system is sacred—as long as he runs it.
Special Ability:
Filibuster Phantom – Can summon or dispel the filibuster at will, depending on whether it benefits his current goal. Opponents are stunned for 1 turn while trying to understand the double standard.
Bonus Trait:
Unity Illusion – May speak of “bipartisanship” while executing pure party-line spells. Advantage on all deception rolls involving national unity.
Battle Cry:
“If we don’t do it, they will—and worse.”
Alignment Notes:
Schumer operates with ruthless predictability. He is loyal not to principle or people, but to dominance through process. His evil is not fiery—it is cold, parliamentary, and persistent. He is the embodiment of the swamp wearing a suit and pretending to be your grandpa
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"Slows all progress in a 30-foot radius for 1d4 legislative sessions."

Pocket Veto – Silently nullifies any approaching danger without explanation.
Grim Patience – Gains +3 to Constitution saves when nothing is happening.
Weaknesses:
Moral Urgency – Becomes confused and motionless when forced to take a stand.
Torchbearers – Loses 2d6 clarity when surrounded by characters with conviction.
Moral Description:
Lawful Neutral – Bound not to justice or corruption, but to the rules themselves. Mitch sees chaos and idealism as equal threats. He will protect the tavern walls even if they’re crumbling, mop in hand, until time or term limits take him.
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"The Cloaked Cleric of Compliance"

Alignment: Lawful Evil (Institutional Preservationist)

Card Text:
“Claims to serve blind justice—but only when it’s looking the other way.”
Backstory:
Once denied a seat on the Supreme Court, Garland now leads the Department of Justice with the subtlety of a scalpel and the selectivity of a partisan scribe. He speaks softly, wears the robes of neutrality, and signs off on some of the most consequential double
standards in modern legal memory. His creed: Stability over transparency. Procedure over truth. Control over consequence.
Special Ability:
Fog of Process – Once per session, Garland may shroud any politically sensitive investigation in layers of review, recusal, redaction, and referral. Enemies roll disadvantage on all attempts to hold institutions accountable for 1d6 turns.
Bonus Trait:
Selective Silence – Immune to direct questioning from Congress unless under magical subpoena.
Battle Cry:
“We do not comment on ongoing investigations.”
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"The Fortress Sentinel"

Alignment: Lawful Good (Defender of Sovereignty, Icon of Rural Resolve)

Card Text:
“Stands guard against federal intrusion—with clean boots and clear boundaries.”
Backstory:
Kristi Noem rose to national prominence as the governor who didn’t lock down, didn’t mandate, and didn’t flinch. With her small-state toughness and national-stage ambition, she carved out a principled corner of resistance during COVID-era authoritarianism. She speaks of freedom as stewardship, not license, and keeps one eye on South Dakota and one on the D.C. drawbridge.
But critics question her consistency: support for land grabs, mixed signals on cultural issues, and hints of Beltway grooming. Still, her strongest battlefield remains state sovereignty—where she plants the flag, sharpens the sword, and dares the feds to cross the line.
Special Ability:
Governor’s Guard – Once per encounter, can repel any federal order or mandate with a +5 bonus to State Authority checks.
Bonus Trait:
Small-State Scale – Immune to bureaucratic overreach while defending a population under 1 million. Adds +2 to Charisma when speaking about cattle, land, or liberty.
Battle Cry:
“We never closed.”
Alignment Notes:
Kristi Noem is Lawful Good when defending state boundaries, individual conscience, and natural rights—but may waiver under political pressure or national spotlight temptation. She is both a sentinel of liberty and a symbol under watch—the kind of figure who holds the wall while the others cave.
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"The Whispering Thief"

Alignment: Neutral Evil (Relic Bearer of the First Family)

“Never held a real title, yet holds the secrets of the realm.”
Backstory:
Hunter Biden is not a strategist, not a policymaker, not a diplomat—yet his fingerprints are on foreign boards, secret laptops, and sealed courtrooms. Protected by institutional fog and shielded by last names, he operates just outside the rules that govern ordinary rogues. He doesn’t steal with a dagger—he steals with an email, an appointment, or a gallery showing.
He leaves behind broken hard drives, broken lives, and broken accountability. Yet no jailer comes. He is the rogue who trips the trap and still escapes, always escorted—not by shadows, but by the regime’s lawyers.
Special Ability:
Plausible Denial Veil – Immune to legal consequence for 1d6 turns after every scandal if the phrase “he’s just the president’s son” is spoken aloud by an ally.
Bonus Trait:
Whispers of Influence – Once per session, can convert a bag of foreign coin into a board seat, a favor, or a sealed court record.
Battle Cry:
“You know who I am.”
Alignment Notes:
Hunter Biden is Neutral Evil not out of ideology—but because he exploits systems without loyalty to any of them. He is a walking loophole—a rogue cloaked in addiction, absolution, and access. He doesn’t need to hold power. He just needs you to believe he doesn’t have any.
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"Casts a booming monologue that entrances peasants and exhausts nobles. Temporarily boosts morale while draining common sense."

Two-Tongue Loyalty – Publicly curses the crown, then signs its decrees behind closed doors.
Wage Levitation – Magically inflates expectations without consequence or result.
Weaknesses:
Revolutionary Recoil – Takes psychic damage when forced to break ranks with the ruling order.
Young Idealist Aura – Surrounded by followers whose hopes he cannot fulfill, lowering effectiveness with each broken campaign promise.
Moral Description:
Lawful Evil. Bernie plays the part of the rebel while obeying the very rules he pretends to challenge. His function is not to overturn the order, but to absorb rebellion and return it safely to the court. He chants for revolution with one hand while holding the leash with the other.
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"regardless of result."

Right (Chaotic):
Operates outside of systems; acts by personal conviction, often disruptively or independently.
Anti-authoritarian in form, though not always in principle.
-------------------------------------
Summary:
Y-Axis (Vertical): Measures moral orientation from liberty to authoritarianism.
X-Axis (Horizontal): Measures approach to order from institutional loyalty to personal conscience or chaos.
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Top-to-Bottom Axis (Moral Axis):
Liberty-Aligned → Moral Neutral → Authoritarian-Aligned
Top (Good – Green):
Individuals or ideologies aligned with Natural Law, liberty, conscience, and resistance to authoritarianism.
→ Examples: Clarence Thomas, Ron DeSantis, Tulsi Gabbard
Middle (Neutral – Yellow):
Motivated by pragmatism, safety, or careerism.
→ Neither committed to liberty nor authoritarianism; often self-preserving.
Bottom (Evil – Red):
Aligned with coercion, manipulation, suppression, or hatred.
→ Rejects natural law, suppresses liberty, or uses force for ideological control.
-------------------------------------
Foundational Rules
Constitutional fidelity and Natural Law are prerequisites for being in the Good categories.
Loyalty to institutions over moral duty disqualifies an individual or group from being Good.
All Communists, Socialists, and Authoritarian Ideologues fall into Evil categories.
Traditionalists, liberty caucus members, and moral reformers belong in the Good categories.
Chaotic Neutral is reserved for ego-driven, unpredictable disruptors with no moral consistency.
Alignment is determined by actions and allegiances—not by party labels.
Institutionalist behavior must be evaluated manually and rarely qualifies as Good.
Ideological loyalty to Communism, rejection of Natural Law, or persecution based on race/religion automatically results in Evil classification.
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Doreen Ewing Alexander, Dan Miller and 3 others
2

"until they become liabilities."

Sanctuary of Shadows: Maintains protective enchantments that make him nearly untouchable by law or blade, thanks to dark pacts with unseen patrons and cowardly institutions.
Necromantic Network: His influence outlives him. Even in death, his secrets animate the actions of the living, as files vanish and witnesses forget.
Weaknesses:
Hubris: His greatest flaw is his belief in his own invincibility.
Tethered by Truth: The rare spell of transparency or a courageous truth-teller can unravel the illusions he casts.
Unstable Alliances: His power depends entirely on fear and secrecy; when either collapses, so do his defenses.
Lair:
An island fortress cloaked in mirage, rumored to be a nexus of infernal deals and forbidden rites. Protected by wards of silence and the complacency of cowards.
Familiar:
A mocking black raven known only as “Flight Log,” who caws names from the shadows but never finishes the list.
Quote:
“Everyone has a price. And if they don’t, someone close to them does.”
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"The Necromancer of Failed Policies"

Alignment: Neutral Evil (Cosmetic Tyrant, Undead Warden of Bureaucracy)

Card Text:
“Resurrects every dead idea from San Francisco and unleashes it statewide.”
Backstory:
Newsom is not a creator—he is a reviver of failed systems, crumbling programs, and ideological undead. Wherever a progressive policy dies—high taxes, soft-on-crime law, permanent emergency powers—he raises it again under a new name and fresh lighting.
From the rotting husk of pandemic shutdowns to the shambling corpse of zero-bail chaos, Newsom animates every bureaucratic failure and forces Californians to live under its hollow gaze.
He doesn’t wield power with fire—he cloaks it in silk and sustains it with federal aid, media complicity, and the apathy of the overtaxed.
Special Ability:
Corpse of Crisis – Can indefinitely extend a “State of Emergency” by reanimating expired threats. Each reanimation restores 1d8 political control points and causes all opposing legislation to decay.
Bonus Trait:
Charm of the Undead Elite – Immune to public backlash if flanked by tech billionaires, nonprofit executives, or legacy media hosts. Gains +3 to deception checks during televised briefings.
Battle Cry:
“This is what leadership looks like!”
Alignment Notes:
Gavin Newsom is Lawful Evil in designer armor. His tyranny is procedural, polite, and photogenic. He wields regulatory power not to restore liberty, but to sustain control. He raises old progressive failures as if they were new visions—housing policies that deepen homelessness, criminal reforms that protect criminals, education initiatives that bury standards. The magic trick? He looks good doing it.
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8

"The Sentinel of Sovereignty"

Class: Paladin

Alignment: Lawful Good

Title: Defender of Borders, Servant of Justice
Card Text:
"I don’t apologize for enforcing the law. I swore an oath, and I keep it."
Backstory:
Tom Homan rose from the ranks of law enforcement to become one of the most principled and unwavering defenders of U.S. sovereignty and constitutional order. As Acting Director of ICE, he bore the weight of politically unpopular but morally necessary duties—protecting the border, defending victims of trafficking, and upholding the law even when elites flinched. His mission was never power, but preservation.
A true Paladin of Natural Law, Homan believes that justice requires enforcement, not empty words. His loyalty lies not with institutions for their own sake, but with the law rightly administered in defense of liberty. He speaks plainly, acts boldly, and shields the vulnerable from the chaos of failed policy and lawless ideology.
Special Ability:
Oath of Protection – Can nullify false accusations and political attacks when defending lawful enforcement actions. Gains strength when standing alone.
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"The Mirror Witch"

Title: High Enchantress of Optics
Power: Weaponizes illusions and echoes to conjure online mobs and manipulate perception.
Signature Spell: Hashtag Hex – Summons trending storms that blind reason and amplify emotional outrage.
Weakness: Cannot maintain control outside of controlled media chambers. Logic resistance is low.
Ilhan Omar – “The Whisperer of Shadows”
Title: Cloaked Herald of the Crescent Veil
Power: Channels chaotic energy from foreign entanglements and grievance spirits.
Signature Spell: Sanction Reversal – Redirects blame and historical burdens with precision targeting.
Weakness: Vulnerable to exposure of alliances and contradictions in moral posturing.
Ayanna Pressley – “The Tongue of Judgment”
Title: Arbiter of Skin and Voice
Power: Casts racialized speechcraft that divides unity and controls discourse boundaries.
Signature Spell: Monochrome Mandate – Declares moral legitimacy by identity alone.
Weakness: Collapses when confronted with individual dissent from within designated groups.
Rashida Tlaib – “The Banner-Bearer of Wrath”
Title: Flame Speaker of the Outer March
Power: Summons ancestral rage to ignite institutional flames, tears through rules with holy fury.
Signature Spell: Tears of Martyrdom – Feigns vulnerability while hurling institutional fireballs.
Weakness: Undisciplined targeting. Occasionally sets allies on fire mid-incantation.
Cori Bush – “The Seer of Sorrows”
Title: Oracle of Endless Oppression
Power: Reanimates ancient grievances and animates guilt-driven automatons.
Signature Spell: Reparative Resurrection – Conjures claims for cosmic repayment without end.
Weakness: Loses control when pressed for practical outcomes or historical coherence.
Group Trait: Curse of the Collective
While individually erratic, together they amplify chaos exponentially. Every synchronized chant casts a group-wide aura of immunity to facts and shields them from institutional consequence—for a time.
Moral Description:
Chaotic Evil. They seek transformation through destruction, cloaking their aims in empathy while channeling power through division. Their covenant is not with liberty or law, but with upheaval, image, and permanent grievance.
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Lyle Johnstone

"Slows all progress in a 30-foot radius for 1d4 legislative sessions."

Pocket Veto – Silently nullifies any approaching danger without explanation.
Grim Patience – Gains +3 to Constitution saves when nothing is happening.
Weaknesses:
Moral Urgency – Becomes confused and motionless when forced to take a stand.
Torchbearers – Loses 2d6 clarity when surrounded by characters with conviction.
Moral Description:
Lawful Neutral – Bound not to justice or corruption, but to the rules themselves. Mitch sees chaos and idealism as equal threats. He will protect the tavern walls even if they’re crumbling, mop in hand, until time or term limits take him.
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"The Beanie Rogue"

Class: Rogue of the Free Commons

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Title: The Beanie Dissenter
Domain: Autonomy, Unscripted Justice, Street Wisdom
Character Profile:
He walks the cobbled lanes of the realm without master or map, guided only by instinct, inquiry, and the quiet cluck of truth at his side. Known as the Beanie Rogue, Tim rose not from a noble house, but from the market square, where he listened more than he preached—and learned more than they meant to teach.
His garb is simple: a threadbare cloak, a sword for show (mostly), and a black knit crown worn not out of pride but principle. In a village full of messengers serving lords, he is the rare courier who serves no one but the people. His tools are observation, skepticism, and a strange chicken companion—rumored to have seen more regime changes than most men.
Tim does not storm castles. He simply walks beside them, questioning their bricks until the towers tremble. His allegiances shift only with the truth, and his greatest crime is refusing to shut up.
He is mocked by kings, hunted by scribes, and followed by thousands. Yet he remains, beanie unshaken, feathered ally in tow, unraveling empires one contradiction at a time.
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"The Unruled Princess"

Class: Voice of the Wild Court

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Title: Princess of Unscripted Grace
Domain: Conscience, Candor, Restoration
Character Profile:
Crowned not by ceremony, but by clarity, Brett walks the woodlands between tradition and rebellion—an heir to virtue who refuses the throne of silence. With no sword, no armor, and no pretense, she speaks freely beneath the canopy of truth, defying the rigid scripts of the old order with the quiet certainty of conscience.
Though born into civility, she has not been tamed by it. Her power lies in her refusal to flatter the tyrants of either pole. She listens, she laughs, she questions—and in doing so, undoes entire illusions with the gentleness of sunlight through leaves. She does not shout, but her voice breaks spells. She does not march, yet kingdoms take notice when she turns.
She is beloved by those too principled for propaganda and too hopeful to surrender. Her elegance is not armor, but invitation. Her throne is wherever the truth can still be spoken without shame. And her rule? Voluntary, spirited, and guided by the belief that even in a fallen realm, goodness is worth defending.
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"The Whisperer of Shadows"

Class: Assassin

Alignment: Chaotic Evil (Deceiver of Realms)

Cloaked in ambiguity and fueled by obsession, Adam Schiff is a rogue operator of the political underworld, a master manipulator who trades in whispers, not blades. Once a bureaucrat, now a full-blown shadow agent, he prowls the halls of power with a dossier in one hand and a fabricated prophecy in the other. Schiff weaves deception like a spider spins its web—relentlessly, carelessly, and with total disregard for collateral damage. His tongue is sharper than steel, delivering accusations like poisoned darts: some miss, but enough land to cause chaos.
He answers to no moral code, no legal structure, and no higher authority than his own sense of narrative. His favored spell is Selective Memory, and his cursed artifact is The Redacted Scroll, a parchment that only reveals what he wants others to believe. Though once cloaked in the appearance of institutional loyalty, he long ago shed all pretense, pursuing personal legend through the ruin of others.
Enemies call him a liar. Allies call him "necessary." History may yet call him something worse.
Weapon: Pen of Allegation +5 (casts Impeachment Ritual, cooldown: 1 presidency)
Special Abilities:
Illusion of Evidence – Creates an aura of credibility from scraps of innuendo.
Perpetual Inquiry – Never stops investigating, even when the truth is known.
Unmasking Ritual – Sacrifices truth to summon media spirits of chaos.
Truthwarp Aura – Allies gain advantage on deception checks within 60 feet.
Moral Weakness: Cannot operate when compelled to tell the whole truth under oath.
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